whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
