After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
