Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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