i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
