Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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