She said her name was "party"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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