I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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