I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
