she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
