He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize