people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
