Plan B is the new Plan A
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
