my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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