i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
