i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
