ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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