I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
