We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
