you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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