I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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