I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize