Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
