I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize