After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize