I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
