I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
