i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Acid is not a monday night drug
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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