hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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