I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
