we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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