It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
