I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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