is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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