ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
