I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
