I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
