nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize