I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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