i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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