My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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