Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
