If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
