Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
