I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
