So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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