dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize