i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
