im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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