Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
