Already got asked if we're dating
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
