what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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