:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
