im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
