So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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