Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
