I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize