if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
