In the future we'll all be gay
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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