i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
