my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
