How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
