So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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