how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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