I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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