I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Green mimosas i think yes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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