I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A+ Viking dick
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
