you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
