She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
