Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
